if i were famous, my name would be Meredith Diamante, the overall effect would be a blend of these 2 vixens,
i would divide my time between my london and prince edward island and palo alto homes, i'd have an on-again, off-again relationship with edward norton, and my breakthrough/oscar snagging role would be the lead in a sci-fi remake of hitchcock's vertigo, which i acted in opposite the aforementioned hunk.
but even without the excuse to don a multi million dollar loan of baubles and custom made dress, i should like to thank the academy and the following people for these reasons, along with all the other forbiddingly intense services they continue to perform:
1. dad for playing the guitar down the hall as we fell asleep as wee kittens, thus making the sound of muddy waters an incredibly nostalgic and beauteous one.
2. mum for not raising me on doritos but rather on carrot sticks and golden spoon
3. elizabeth for preventing from cutting all my hair off again a few months ago
4. sarah for introducing me to the best version of sean connery as has yet been seen by the world
5. cam for having a diet coke intervention with me in 2005 and introducing me to ryan adams
6. alyson for teaching me to enjoy tricky situations and chuckle and chuck them off. you're a really cute bride, too.
7. annie wahnah brothah for teaching me how easy it should be to compliment often
8. heather for not laughing at me (too hard) when i'd make 39 point turns and take out my stereo, put it in the case, and hide it in my glove compartment every single time i got out of the car, whether it was to go to church or to run into rent a movie.
9. megan for praying for "a boy."
10. krisha for bringing turd ferguson to life for all of us
11. melissa l. and cora g. for being happy heroines of mine
12. lani lani lani for being a felon with me
13. auntie ruthie for abiding my laundry excuses when i'd not practiced the piano forte
14. katie w. for helping me perfect my horsie noises and robyn wright impersonations in the 80s
15. the big cheeses at the diet coke company for providing my guilty yet guiltless pleasure.
16. the big cheeses at people magazine for providing my other guilty yet guiltless pleasure
17. lindsey a., raime, brakell, and jessica for guaranteeing 1 hour of the work day on wednesdays will be sheer unadulterated fun
18. lindsey a. again for knowing so many movie lines she can be her own hero
19. annie g. r. for visiting pepperchini land with me
20. jesse waldowski for expiring my membership in the virgin lips club in your gold pontiac with cow print seats on the eve of easter sunday, 1999.
21. hilary, margaret, erin, kate, miji, becca, and ALL my other fuzzy cousins for getting me excited about a fuzzy eternity of cummings chocolates, singing in disonance (on purpose), and saying everything in as abnormal or round about way as possible
22. my uncles for giving my mom a fat complex as a young girl (jk)
23. my aunties for being ever perfect hostesses, full of sophistication and pluck and homes full of TLC and chocolate.
24. jim halpert for proposing to me in my dream last night
25. lott for being my uber amazing mission comp
26. hna. cintas for being my crazy but loveable mission comp
27. hna. gomez for teaching me how to make cheese, glue, and pinatas on the mishy mish
28. phil cendoma for staying "cool under pressure"
29. tara stella for getting almost teary with me about the george cloony/sara larson split
30. dana for buying us kona grill a few weeks ago
31. aubs for having the best pregnant belly and still being so stinking skinny
32. the dude who works upstairs in my office building who is the one and only soul to believe i should be called "G" -- it's an honor.
33. that's all i can think of right now. i've forgotten loads of people.
34. oh wait! bishop andreasen and president muir and uncle robert for showing me what a church leader can be
35. la familia moya for being happy no matter how many prehistoric spiders are dangling from their ceiling
36. darling and jader for giving me once in a lifetime feelings in getting to be a part of their baptism.
37. ken craig for having the best stress-relief blog and most well-behaved children
38. thank you, thank you, [blowing kisses] goodnight!!!!