Jude's First Birthday

He went ahead and turned one whole year old.  I have sat down to write this post a few times, and in the end I really have so much to say that would never even catch it all.  It makes me feel a bit scattered. But it is also about celebration, however, so I will sally forth in the name of fun and record keeping.

I can definitely say this year has brought the heftiest change to our life, and even though it's not always rosy, the happiest.  I cannot say the overwhelmed and most tender love was there from the instant they put him on my chest (I'd say shock and adrenaline were pounding the strongest downbeat!), but it was not long before the flood gates opened.  I would stare at him, floored by the sweetness of his spirit.  His energy was pure and it made me want to be better.  It broke my heart a little, too, and still does.  I don't know how many times Jeff came into the family room where I'd be found holding him with big, juicy tears streaming down my cheeks, and he'd put his arm around me and gently make sure I wasn't sad.  And I wasn't sad.  It is just an intense rush of all things new, so much love, and I felt full of hope like I never had before.  I suddenly had this small life on my lap and I was smothered with hope that he'd be happy, and that he'd thrive and do all that God wants him to do.  This made me vulnerable like never before.

He was so quiet (for about 2 weeks before colic kicked in), and I wondered if he knew how much we loved him.  I would ask Jeff and my mom all the time, "Do you think he knows?  What if he doesn't know??"  I decided I'd better kiss his delicious cheeks an average of 72 times an hour so he'd know.  When I'd walk around with him in the Bjorn I'd rub his floppy little legs constantly.  I didn't know then if it would register with him, but now I'm convinced it did.

In many ways it seems he came home from the hospital with us just yesterday (let the cliches roll!).  But when I think back to the expectations I had then, the things I didn't know yet, the assumptions I made soon after the surprises, THESE things age Jude to me.

Some fun "days of yore" items:

• No one told me "days and nights mixed up" meant he'd want to party all night.  I thought in the first week or so I'd feed him a few times at night but he'd go back to sleep after each slurp fest.  I felt I was abandoning Jeff by leaving him all alone in our room (but then, I don't think he was that distraught about a full night's sleep :).  Once I realized I'd better embrace the night life with my baby boy, and stopped hanging out in his dead-silent, sleep-inducing (for me) room, things got much better.  I camped out on the couch with handfuls of Cadbury Mini Eggs and was able to stay awake with the help of Friday Night Lights, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation.  About the time I ran through those shows, Jude was sleeping for pretty good chunks during the night. 
• I had imagined swaddling him tight, that he'd sleep by my bedside for a few months in a bassinet we inherited from Angie, and that I wouldn't give him a binky for the first 4 months (hospital's recommendation, as it can cause nipple confusion).  Ha!  He hated swaddling.  He hated the bassinet (up for grabs, Aunt Michelle!), and I gave him a binky on Day 4 -- it was heaven-sent.  I rue the day I have to take that thing away from him.  It is his drug of choice.
• When the colic kicked in I was in denial.  Then once I hit "acceptance" I slowly eliminated every potential irritant from my diet until I was living on a steady diet of Soy Milk.  When he still screamed his head off most of the day, I said "Whatevs" and went back to my normal eating habits.  
• I slept him on his tummy from about week 6 and I have no regrets.  He went from sort of sleeping to really sleeping.  My mom spurred me on, pointing out that my nephew Ian (10 days older than Jude) had been sleeping on his back and almost choked on his spit-up.  Jude had no breathing problems and was very robust.  I also have kept his bumper on his crib.  Judge me if you wish, I trusted my instincts on this and it worked out.  (P.S. When Jude had the pukes last month I took his bumper off for a few days to wash it and he'd wake up from rolling around and bonking his head on the crib bars.  No thanks.)
• The colic really unnerved me, although I didn't realize just how much until it was over.  It was incredibly disparaging to put all your day and night into making a baby happy, and it's just not enough by a long shot.  I took it personally, like he was mad at me for not making it better or something.  Comparisons got the better of me.  Lyla was the ultimate dream baby (still is!).  She would sleep in her car seat, slept through the night at like 1 month, without any sleep training I might add, was so go-with-the-flow.  I was so jealous and frustrated that Jude was full of, what the books would call, "extreme fussiness".  But, I learned to deal and then it was over.  Our friend Julie Weaver was right when she said, "Babies outgrow every difficult thing."  I feel much stronger and more confident now -- if our next baby is colicky too, at least I know it won't kill me.

My sister-in-law Erica said "There's just something about the way a little boy loves his mother" and now I know what she means.  Jude LOVES me.  It's just an indescribable joy.  I love being able to make him so happy, I love being his companion, and it is one of my dearest wishes that I will always be a welcome and valuable presence in his life.  He is worth every bad moment or day.  There is no job I want to do more fully.

We love, love, love our loudly jabbering, silky curly haired, twinkly blue eyed, long and lean, effervescent, antsy, cruising, non-walking 1-year-old Jude Jeffrey Hayes. Thanks for everything, buddy.

We're back

from Hawaii, and this one turned one.  Get ready for your computer to buckle tonight under the girth of all the pics.

Jeff is 33

You wanted me to broadcast your age to the internet, right honey?

Jeff rang in the new year with some friends and a cake.  He'll do more ringing in Hawaii, so all in all, I'd say he's got it pretty good.

Growing up, my mom would make our cakes in the theme of our choosing.  I had about 8 piggy themed cakes, because that was my favorite animal.  We weren't allowed to be in the kitchen while she was frosting them, and while the cakes cooled she'd cover them with a dish cloth.  Even though we knew what she was doing we pretended not to.  Jeff totally botched this surprise and saw me cooking up the whole thing, made comments, asked questions, but now he knows that is verboten for next year.

I love making cakes, but unless they are really dense I don't love eating them.  The fun in a cake lies in making it pretty, because brownies and cookies are pretty much one style and their earthy tones aren't that thrilling.  I got the recipe for a lemon poppy seed cake on Pinterest and copied my friend Lauren Phelps' idea of fading shades of blue in each layer of cake.  I had a blast doing it and it turned out pretty well (toot toot my own horn!).

33 things about Jeff:

1. He is my husband, which means out of all the guys I dated or could have dated or knew, he's the one that I chose to hunker down with, and who chose me, and I'm so glad I (we) did.
2. He will always, always return the shopping cart to its little rack in the parking lot.
3. When we go to Costco and take a sample, he always says as he walks away, "Oh that's really good!  We should get some!" just so that the person working the sample table doesn't feel like they did a bad job.
4. He has a sweet tooth that could beat up your sweet tooth.
5. He's such a lawyer.  In any situation, conversation, he's always mindful of the opposing opinion, argument, what's provable, what's faulty, etc.
6. When we're watching a movie and something is totally unrealistic, he reminds us all, "Willing suspension of disbelief."
7. He is the most loyal son, brother, nephew, uncle, cousin, grandson, etc.  He is so protective and respectful.  It's so admirable.
8. He love olives.  (Dry heave)
9. Most of the time he hops out of bed to get Jude first in the morning.
10. He minored in French.
11. He majored in Political Science.
12. He's still never told me what he scored on the LSAT, and even though he'll deny this I know it's because he's bashful about how well he did.
13. He LOVED Law School and has a special place in his heart for those 3 years.
14. He has great friends and one thing I've loved about being his wifey is that they are now MY friends, too!  I love them!
15. Jude can do no wrong in his eyes.
16. He's very risk averse and is very gung ho about getting things set for retirement (even though that's like 2 million years away!).
17. He tells me all the time that my blog is his favorite thing to read :).
18. He always gives my mom a hug when he sees her.
19. He has written about 3,000 off-the-cuff songs for Jude and me that regularly get stuck in my head.
20. He loves Joni Mitchell and other actual musicians but in his car listens to a lot of rap and hip-hop (which has to be kicked to the curb when Jude is along for the ride).
21. If he hadn't been a lawyer he would have been an architect or a real estate developer.
22. He's his own worst critic.
23. He wishes he had more time to read and surf.
24. He has very specific opinions about the garden.
25. He hates dark chocolate, prefers milk, and I'm the reverse, so we're good for each other like that.
26. He kept saying, "You're so brave!" when I was in labor, which made me laugh later, I thought, "What was brave about my screaming at the absolute top of my lungs??"
27. He doesn't like bananas.
28. He picks up other languages like it ain't no thang.
29. His favorite movie is Big Fish.
30. He hates period pieces.
31. He's very private (until I spilled all this info onto my blog).
32. He needs new running shoes.
33. He is FUNNY, and I think I get to benefit from that most of all.

Happy Birthday, Jeff.  Many happy returns!

Saturday

We loved last Saturday.

Jeff's coworker recently had a baby girl, and per their Jewish custom, had a naming ceremony.  This particular one took place in San Diego.  It was something fun and out of the norm for us.  Jeff forgot his yarmulke.  :)  The Rabbi opened the outdoor ceremony by saying, "Shabat Shalom!" which was awesome because I totally knew our cue was to then give a hearty echo!  Thanks, Ben Stiller/Rabbi Schram from Keeping the Faith!  (One of those movies that wasn't a big box office hit, but was totally hilarious and adorable, in my opinion.  Now that I've remembered it I'm stashing it on the Netflix queue, because I don't think Jeff has seen it.)  The baby was tiny and sweet, the food was good, and Jude almost behaved (he started machine-gun laughing at all the quiet, solemn moments to Jeff had to scoop him up and gather some distance).

After the party we started home.  We had brought beach gear just in case we could hit the beach and it worked out.  We only had enough change for about a half hour in the parking meter, but since it was getting late in the afternoon that was fine.  Sometimes in theory excursions like the beach + baby sound difficult but in execution this trip was awesome.  Jude was happy and snuggly, the beach was beautiful, and Jeff was a hunk.  If you follow me on Instagram, a couple of these will be repeats.

We switched Jude to cow milk about a week before his birthday because I ran out of formula and didn't want to buy more.  Buying formula is the worst.  It smells bad, mixing it usually results in a dusting of formula powder on the counter, it's expensive, blech.  Jude LOVES whole milk and I am loving it for him.

I am so bringing this hat to Hawaii because my face won't have elastic skin forever and I care not for tanning.

I don't think there's ever been a time where seeing Jeff with Jude hasn't been cute.

I love his "vintage" swim outfit from cousin Sammy Lewis.

He's still a little indifferent to salt water splashes.

This is a rare sight that made me totally jealous.  

Just eat it up, Jeff.

We're so lucky to live here!!

1. Will someone explain to me why girls with long hair run with their hair down?  Lately I'm suddenly seeing all these women bounding around Ladera Ranch with their hair flouncing about their shoulders.  It's hard enough to run, period; we don't need hair billowing for added harassment!
2. We saw Man on a Ledge on Saturday night.  As my friend Matt Jensen would say, "You pay for the whole seat, but you only use the edge!"  I haven't been so in suspense in a LONG TIME. Go see it and see it now.
3. Suddenly Jude doesn't like sweet potatoes.  We're gettin all crazy and changing things up around here!

4. Photo:

This photo reveals:
- part of the new chair we got in the Office,
- the baby backpack carrier we got for our Anniversary/Valentine's Day/Jeff's bday/Jude's bday trip we are taking tooooo HAWAII in a week and a half!  We got it from a nice little family off craigslist last night, and I put Jude in it this morning to test it out.  He was laughing and squealing and patting my head.  One of my favorite things to do is hike, and hopefully with this we'll be doing plenty of that in Hawaii and other spots.
- the 4 Life magazines that I am in love with.  Jeff's grandmother kept some of her Life magazines.  They even have the little address tag that ensured their delivery to Grandpa Dick Lee in Idaho Falls!  We are lucky to have 4 in our home now.  Your top left has Louie Armstrong on the cover, and his quote is, "I never did want to be no Big Star."  Well, Louie, you are.  And Sandra Bullock named her baby after you.  Your bottom left has, "Tragedy at Kent State" -- the one Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young wrote a song about.  Sad.  It has a picture of one of the 4 dying students with others trying to help him.  Your bottom right is the Special Issue of Neil Armstrong and his adventures on the Moonsky.  And, my favorite, your Top Right, is PAUL.  Sir Paul McCartney, his beloved lost Linda, with Mary holding a cane and Stella as a wee babe.  It says, "The Case of the 'Missing' Beatle: Paul is Still With Us".  Yes he was!!  He was just in Scotland then, which I totally knew because I am a Beatles girl and I watched the Anthologies with rapt attention.  I also watched another biography where Mary interviewed him and he talked about, among other things, his time there, how he was just coming off the Beatles break-up, how he was depressed, money and royalties were being sorted out, and how Linda made him get off his bum and get to writing music again.  Thus Wings was formed (meh).  I love having these magazines in the house, they are sentimental on so many levels as reminders of history, Jeff's grandparents he loves so much, music, American achievements, and tragedy.
- me at 1:39 p.m.  No shower and no make up because there has been no run.
5) While I'm at it I'm going to show you the other corner of the Office:

See now you're going to think we're very depressing.  On 9/11 Jeff had the presence of mind to pick up some newspapers.  We had the cover of the New York Times matted and framed for Jeff's bday last year.  I promise we're happy people.  These are just things to remember, and we figured the Office was the best place for them; I wouldn't want to put them in Jude's room, and the bathroom seems disrespectful.
6) Confession: I know what happens at the end of this season of Downton.  I couldn't handle the agony of all the current and ongoing cliffhangers, so I read the episode summaries on wikipedia.  I did this with the 7th Harry Potter book too; I read the epilogue when I was about halfway through the book because there had been rumours J.K. was going to kill Harry to prevent some other dingbat author from writing a continuing (and inferior) story.  I am a total spoiler and I have come to terms with it.  I still enjoy the process just as much, but with less stress. :)
7) If you're going to Costco in the next 3 days, be prepared to gain 5 pounds!!  The week of the Superbowl they are always exploding, exPLOding I tell you, with samples.  You don't even have to wait, they are shelling them out at such speed.  And it's all glorious snacks.  My favorite.  Just be warned.