Anyway, I am currently in baby heaven. Graham -- I am obsessed with him. He is at that age of solid gold where he just smiles, laughs, coos and gurgles at me. His eyes actually twinkle, and they are bordered by these insane lashes that get caught in his eyebrows. Swatting and attempting the grasps are the chores that keep him occupied while I'm chasing Jude, and when he needs a break he will usually just chill for a little bit until he gets bored or lonely. I feel guilty that Jude still dominates every day, but I know that as Graham grows he will demand more attention and we will all figure out how to adjust. The funny thing is, Jude is also in love with G, and spends a lot of time cooing at him and trying to give him too-tight hugs or pick him up, but when he is in Graham's line of vision he never holds still long enough so they Graham can respond. Graham was smiling at Jude for the first time a couple of days ago as Jude inspected a train. I said, "Jude, look! Baby Graham's smiling at you!" And Jude caught a sliver of that brotherly love before Graham was onto something else to stare at.
I find myself thinking what friends have told me about the 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc.) child: there's not that same rush for them to grow. With Jude I was always full of anticipation for next phase, but Graham can just take his sweet time.
I feel like Graham has been for me. Like Heavenly Father crafted this little bundle of exactly what I need in my life right now. I keep telling Jeff I've never been so happy. Sometimes when I say this to him I know he's thinking, "Are you sure? 'Cause you sure seemed to be spiraling last [day of the week]..." and of course I still have bad days. But, I don't really know how else to describe it other than to say that I feel more fulfilled than ever, that since Graham's arrival so much has fallen into a wonderful place. I am thinking it must just be spouting from the simple fact that it is a knotch deeper into Motherhood. And Motherhood is a place I wanted to be my whole life. So with all the things that must be sacrificed or pushed to the back burner, it's ok, because I've got this family that makes me feel so good. I am a lucky girl.
Now Graham, a request: Please don't grow up and start dealing drugs or get involved with insider trading. Thanks!