Double Gross

I got the stomach flu twice this week. Not morning sickness, although that was lots of fun, no, this was a special treat on Tuesday and again today. I don't have a high pain threshold, and so the symptoms make me very dramatic.

I have struck a deal with myself that helps me tone down the weeping and wailing and gnashing: Ben & Jerry's. When the symptoms start to wane, I give the princess (myself) some of the good/hard stuff. As much as the peanut butter ice cream is surely the stuff of the gods, I think I'd still forego the extra dose of all such illness entails.

Other than that, since it's almost fall, of course this means I am fighting the urge to start thinking all things holiday. I had a sudden hankering for yam casserole the other day. And then I just wanted to sit and bake sugar cookies in the shape of angels and fir trees. !!! Make it stop!

Also, I hear there exists such a thing as Pregnant Brain. Those who know me well know I can be a bit scattered, or a lot scattered, but I'm reaching new levels and I hope it's not just because I'm stressed.

Example 1: My assistant sneezed the other day while I was close to her desk and I said, "Thank you!"

Example 2: Same day, as she was leaving for the day she asked if I wouldn't mind coming in to talk to her about something. I told her I'd come over in a few minutes. As I fell asleep that night I realized I'd just completely forgotten to do it.

Goodnight!

"And I'd like a Pink Parasol."

I was walking across that infamous bridge to meet my mom for lunch at South Coast Plaza a couple of days ago, and saw some women walking the other way with umbrellas open. It was about 90 million degrees and they were shielding themselves from the sun.

Who does that, anyway???

Then I remembered. Oh wait, I did. In my last area of my mission (I was there almost 5 months), the sun was so strong (it was also the most far South in Costa Rica I ever did get), all the women walked around during the day with their umbrellas up and out. I was paranoid about wrinkles, knowing I had to go home with skin supple enough to ensnare a man, and so I said to myself, I might as well.

Memories.

To Pop or Not to Pop?

Sometimes I feel like I've popped, sometimes I feel like I'm just very thick. I await the basketball so it is clear to man and beast that I'm not just eating apple fritters by the truckload.

*I'm 14 weeks.

*I crave things that involve toasty bread and melted cheese.

*Chocolate, of all things, does not taste that good to me.

*I was on a Cheetos kick but that's over now.

*I am in good company -- it seems every day I find out someone I love is also making a person.

*I can't fit into most of my pants anymore, but the maternity pants slide off a bit. I can't wait for Labor Day when tights are more passable.

*I successfully hooked Jeff on LOST, but the bad news is some of those episodes made me cry when I wasn't pregnant, so it's going to be a bumpy ride.

*The nursery will most likely be put together after D-day. The room is currently colored mint/neon green, which I can't stand, and I can't paint, and even if I could time is sparse, so I think that'll be a maternity leave thing.

*Is it weird that the first baby item we purchased, a crib mobile of little lambs, became ours through a gift card we received for our wedding? Nervous giggle.

*I've been the pregnant girl I never thought I'd be: eating whatever I wanted and not making time to exercise. I trashed that this week and I feel ever so much better. It might be the best thing that happened this week.

*Even though it still doesn't feel completely real, it's fun to get to tell myself that early next year I will have a small, small person to love.

Our Last 3 Months

Now that cats are out of bags, I have piles of things to blog.

1. It was a Friday in June. I'd been feeling a different kind of nausea all day, and then in the afternoon, something mildly unpleasant happened and I started to cry. As I sat there feeling sorry for myself, an unlikely possibility dawned on me. Shortly thereafter I left work and went straight to the Target on Bristol, bought tests, decided the suspense + rush hour traffic would kill me, so there, in the stinkiest Target public restroom known to mankind, amidst screaming children (some of whom were being walloped by their mothers mid-diaper change), I learned of the supposed pregnancy. Definitely supposed because it took us 3 more tests to believe it! Oh, those were some mind-blowing days. Mind-blowing but humbling and sweet. Like Neil Patrick Harris and his life-partner, we are "super excited/nervous/thrilled. Hoping the press can respect our privacy."

2. I shan't mince words: mornings and nights in this first trimester were coated with a heavy layer of awful. If you're ever in the mood for something fun to do, here's an idea: How about being on a conference call and frantically trying to find the mute button because you're about to start gagging? I'd get home and just want to lie very still. Very, very still. Munching was something of a soother which has resulted in a 12 pound pack-on. Yessss!!! A pregnant girl (who didn't know about me and mine) once said her pregnancy has been a breeze and pretty much said nausea is "in girls' heads". I didn't say a word, not a single word, but completely expect her child to be a holy terror.

3. Enough with the sarcasm and despairing. The sun is shining once again! I am starting to notice the clouds of stomach aggravation lifting, and the other night I was up hanging things on walls and scrubbing floors until 12:30 a.m.!!! I can hear the hallelujah chorus!

4. We think it's a boy. No big reason really, but when I saw that little blob with the flashing heartbeat in early August I thought I was looking at a boy. We'll find out soon enough what flavah-flav the little babe is.

5. I just hope he or she has beautiful white-blonde hair like his or her Daddy. That's all I want. And 10 fingers and 10 toes, and well functioning innards, etc. But I'm really hoping for that blonde hair. I'm pretty sure either way the baby will have blue eyes and pale skin, but the hair is a toss up.

6. I didn't want to tell even my immediate family until I'd gone to the doctor. My parents guessed before I could get that far. They said they just looked at me and knew!

7. Yes, I eat meat and I'm off Diet Coke (but for the ickle drip drop here and there!).

8. Pretty awesome: Elizabeth is pregnant with her 4th, due 3 days after me!

That's it for now. I'm going to go stuff my face with some ice cream. Nice!

I have something to tell you:

Metaphors

by Sylvia Plath

I'm a riddle in nine syllables,

An elephant, a ponderous house,

A melon strolling on two tendrils.

O red fruit, ivory, fine timbers!

This loaf's big with its yeasty rising.

Money's new-minted in this fat purse.

I'm a means, a stage, a cow in calf.

I've eaten a bag of green apples,

Boarded the train there's no getting off.

Baby coming in February!!!!

Michelle's Wedding and Pretend Games

On Friday Michelle and Mark (M&M!) got married. I was on the verge of tears the entire ceremony, it was so sweet and we are so excited for them. Awaiting whatever comes next in life is so very enjoyable when you find the person you want to be with when whatever comes. She was exquisitely beautiful, and he was debonair.

It was great to have the time to spend together with the Hayesies and I'll have you know, my sisters-in-law and their husbands have conjured up children so funny, so endearing, so clever, I found myself missing them instantly. Each night of the trip the grown-ups all stayed up way past bedtime talking. How lucky is it to be around people who are interesting, have good and entertaining stories, and are talented listeners? This part of visits with Jeff's and my own family are absolutely invaluable bites of soul food.

I realized this trip that the sweet smells of the Hayes homestead remind me of when Jeff had just put a ring on it and we flew the morning after our engagement for a week of Thanksgiving festivities in Utah and Idaho. Familiar smells do powerful things for my nostalgic button. It was so lovely to visit in memory that exciting time.

And other than that, we ate too much food, hiked in Zion, marveled at the Red Rock (Jeff every 5 seconds: "Beautiful!" "Naturally occurring beauty!"), saw friends, visited E et al in Vegas, Jeff introduced me to $0.36 AstroPops, and I pretended we'd never switch out of vacation mode. I completely erased from my brain all responsibilities that will come rearing their ugly faces bright and early tomorrow morn. It was great. I ate up the minutes and hours and days.

Summer Trip 2010: A Success!

To Kill a Mockingbird

Is there a better book? I'm sure there are many, many, many who love that book as much as I do, but I don't know that it would be possible to love it more than I do. We read it in Mrs. Bretts 9th grade english class, and it carved itself a spot in my soul. The energy of the class, the way Mrs. Bretts taught it complimented it, but all alone it is just what I wanted it to be in its heartbreaking perfection.

I love the dirty old south. I love the sibling relationship. I love the ending and its lessons, hard and sweet as it all is. I love seeing a complicated time through the eyes of an honest, brave little girl. I love the motherly influences that are incorporated at different times to the motherless children. Most of all, I love Atticus, what he did, and what is.

Atticus reminds me in almost every way of my grandpa. He and Gregory Peck look ever so much alike, so after seeing the movie it went from difficult to impossible to think of his character without thinking of grandpa. Please note they are at quite different ages in these pictures -- use your imagination. I couldn't find a picture of grandpa when he was a young buck.

Grandpa, like Atticus, was more concerned with his family than anything. Hard work was the only thing that would do. Dignity at all cost, because without dignity how could life go on? The responsibilities of a family were probably overwhelming to them, (and Atticus was alone) so he/they did the best they could, relying on the values they knew to guide them. Despite the taxing responsibilities, they were strong, soft, and warm. They had an honest answer to any question. Have you ever had a leader, religious or secular, who was so trustworthy and warm that you had no other thought but to follow them? It's easy when you know they're smart, they genuinely are working toward your best interest, and their actions show time and time again that they love you. I've had several of those, within and without my family tree, and grandpa is one of the first to come to mind.

Anyway, this movie was on tv today and I sat there and cried like the babies in our ward. In this world that seems to be so angry, so mistrusting, so misleading, so conflicted, so quick to jump at the throats of a person, a political group, a religious group, anybody, I wish we had more Grandpas and Atticus Finches. People that will do what's right because it's right, it will keep themselves and their loved ones safe, and don't consider the alternative. People who stand up for good but are calm and rational and don't need to be the loudest or the center of attention. People who don't assume everyone is out to get them, but just go about their way and fulfill their responsibilities. And when everyone else is acting like an idiot, at least they know they can do better and the rest can figure it out or lie in the sloppy bed they made.

That's all. Here's to the real leaders that make things better, and here's to Grandpa and Atticus Finch.