Never mind. It's a girl!

The doc and ultrasound tech changed their minds and we've got a little lassie en route to our eternal links!  It took a while to swallow, I'd really become attached to my little boy fetus, but now I'm envisioning someone to watch The Sound of Music with me, and go to Women's Conference with me, and shop with me, and I'm thinking it's going to be a blast.  Also, I didn't really know the Father/Daughter bond was a "THING" until the last few years, so I'm thrilled for Jeff!

Come soon, little girl!  Mummy can't wait to meet you!

Whipping Up Another Boy!

We are so thrilled (and surprised and not surprised) to be awaiting a little bundle of BOY early, early in the new year!  Another winter baby boy to snuggle; I can hardly muster the patience for his newborn squeaks and smell.  The way they cross their legs and tuck when you pick them up under the arms -- oh it's enough to make me an Octomom.  Yeah right.

This pregnancy has been my hardest yet.  And very different from the other two!  I would've thought, "Oooh, it's probably a girl!" but my friend Dr. Reynolds (go see him if you need a little work done!) told me long ago that all that stuff about carrying genders differently, different symptoms coordinating with the sex of the baby, is all balderdash.  Anyway, I was much sicker, but the sickness ended earlier than with Jude and Graham.  I am so tired.  No, so, so tired.  I feel like this baby is emitting Ambien juice through the amniotic sac and I could fall asleep at any moment.  Every day I try and devise a plan to get Jude to take a nap so I can too (guess what, it never works).  And then comes the crankiness, the unearthly range of emotions, my little tots need me endlessly and I just want to sit down and be left ALONE, the house is not as clean as it used to be, none of my clothes fit, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.!

However, eye on the prize!

At the risk of sounding like I think daughters are rug burns (I'd love to have one!), here are some perks to 3 boys:

• No weddings to pay for.
• I don't need to buy any baby clothes (toddler and older clothing, however, gets beaten to a pulp).
• So far my boys have been obsessed with me and shower me with looooove!
• I'm already in the boy zone!

I do think it's sort of hilarious that we really tried to nab ourselves a summer or early fall baby -- not in the cards.  It took a little longer this time and here I am with my third winter baby.  This means that between January 3 (my current due date) and February 14, we will celebrate every birthday in the family but mine.  Plus Christmas right before, then our Anniversary is in January too.  So by the time Valentine's is over we'll be fat (cake) and poor (presents and parties).  I'm considering Disneyland passes this next round because once we're through with the parties and presents, it could easily cost more than those annual passes.  

I also do think it's sort of hilarious that Jude wanted a girl.  Bad.  Before I got the gendertastic ultrasound, he would insist it's a girl.  I'd remind him that Heavenly Father might be sending a boy, and he would disagree and say something along the lines of, "No, I think Heavenly Father is sending a girl and she will be so cute and I will give her hugs!"  After his swim lessons he gets to pick a prize out of a bucket and he was always picking little plastic bracelets and hair clips to use as Christmas presents for the baby.  It was so cute that part of me felt that he should be have this sweet little wish come true!  When we found out it was a boy he was already snoozing, but the next morning he mentioned his sister again and I said, "You know, Jude, the baby is going to be a boy."  And for some reason, this time he totally went with it.  I said, "I'm going to need you to help me teach him how to throw balls, and color --" and he goes, "Yeah and make him laugh like Baby Cash (his buddy Ryder's little brother)!"  Problem solved.  He has mentioned a few times that NEXT time Heavenly Father will send a girl. HA!

Here's to this little baby I've been waiting for.  Dear little fetus that I may have felt kick last night for the first time, we love you already!

So, tomorrow, huh?

I'm being induced tomorrow.  I've been having somewhat painful contractions today, so maybe Pitocin won't be my lot by tomorrow morning, but I have an appointment to have a baby at 7am.  So modern.  January 31 sounds like a good day to be born!

As I polish off this pregnancy, a few fun facts:

• No swollen feet, fingers, or stretch marks (that I can see).  Wahoo to that!  (Although after Jude was born and they pumped me full of fluid, my face and feet quadrupled in size.  And I could feel it happening.  I had packed flats to wear home and I could barely squeeze my puffy dogs into them.  I'll bring flip flops this time in case it's a duplicate experience.
• The heartburn is RAGING.  It's like my body does not want me to forget that it can still do this to me for another 12 hours.  I think I have enough Tums to see me through to tomorrow, but no more.  
• The sleeping is pretty much crap now.  I have my moments of frustration since I've been trying to fill my sleep cantine, as it were, but whatever, exhaustion is inevitable.  
• We have a short list of names, but a few weeks ago we gave up on narrowing it any more than that.  I am crossing my fingers one of them clicks when we cast eyes upon his pink little face.

Today has been water works.  I did not see this coming a month ago.  My heart has been aching for Jude and the end of this era in a big, bad way.  All this week at bedtime, while rocking him and singing Primary songs, I end up sniffling through.  Today, and this was probably made worse by his insistence on laying on the cute behavior eeeextra thick, just looking at him made my eyes well up with tears.  I felt guilty, nostalgic, but also grateful.  Then my mom called and set things right by reminding me that life is not going to change that much for him -- it's Jude!  He'll make SURE life is still full of all the good things even if there's a baby living in the house that I must also give attention to. :)  True.  But it will never be the same again.  I feel like my love for him is growing so fast and so much these last days it just hurts.  Hormones might have a snitch to do with it.  What?

My mom and Sarah will be here with him tomorrow.  Mimi is bringing him trains.  I'm not worried about him having a delicious Thursday.

And as for me, I'm really looking forward to the birth.  I have such epic and cherished memories of Jude's, and hopefully this time I won't have to wait until I'm 70% of the way through labor before I get my precious epidural (being scheduled and all it sounds more easy to secure, right?).  Knowing more of what to expect and how much wonderful there is packed into those moments, I have been excited for another birth experience since 1 week after Jude became a world citizen.  Jeff keeps saying he's excited, and of course I believe it. 

Let's just see if I can sleep tonight.  

Stay tuned.....

This Weekend Plus STUFF

*It should be mentioned that I am listening to 98 Degrees while I write this.  Boy bands -- the depth!

Last week Jeff was checking his email on the couch and said, "Oh! There's a car show this Saturday at 6:30 in the morning that the ward is going to -- Jude would LOVE that.  I should take him!"  I was to be throwing a baby shower for my friend Lisa that morning so I was loving this idea for many reasons and started launching into my whole, "Oh yeah, that's perfect!  Then I can clean and decorate...[blah blah blah]"  I think that's about the time Jeff realized it did indeed start at 6:30 in the unholy hours of the morning, but I'd already voiced such enthusiasm and gratitude, he'd just sealed his fate.  :)

They went and had fun, and I knocked out about 4 times more chores than I would've been able to otherwise.  

The shower was a success, and I'm selfishly so excited for this baby because not only is it a boy, but he'll be just a month younger than my baby, and play dates will continue to be a sinch.

Here are 3 of us ladies in waiting; Lindsey is 2 days overdue, and I greatly admire her forebearance. :)

While the shower was going on, Jeff and Jude had Round II of "Boys' Club" and got out of the house until Jude was apparently falling asleep early (no doubt his brain was exhausted from reeling over the car show at such an early hour) and they came home for naps.  Since the shower was still drizzling out when Jude's nap ended, I brought him down to hang with the ladies and he immediately groggily marched over to sit on Amber's lap with Monkey.  He has this very loyal crush thing on Amber.

See?  He loves her.

Now for some STUFF: I was drying my hands in the gym bathroom last week and started to laugh (better than cry) when I noticed my reflection in the hand dryer nozzle.  I still have 3 weeks left!

Ah, the obsession with cars, trucks, boats, planes...things that GO.  For Christmas Jude (and I) got annual passes to the museum in Irvine called Pretend City.  Jude goes into stimulation hyperdrive every time we pass through the gates.  It's this great little spot where kids can pretend to do loads of jobs like farming, lifeguarding, grocery shopping, put on a play, drive a AAA Tow Truck (or obviously a fire truck as seen above), mail a letter, and on and on and on.  It's awesome now, but I'm thinking this may be a life saver when the baby comes.

More car obsession: Must.  Hold.  Car.  While.  Swinging.

I really liked this from Pres. Hinkley.  I don't think I expect life to ever be perfect, but while I'm an emotional pregnant wreck, it reminded me to just be grateful for "the ride."  Focusing on that makes everything else seem much simpler.  I'm here, getting to do what I've always wanted to do, and life is good.  

This morning.  Daddy attack!

Last weekend we went to see Les Mis with some friends.  Everyone on earth had been praising it to the skies, so I was trying to keep my expectations even-keeled.  Anne Hathaway usually drives me nuts, but people were not totally off-base (in my opinion) for loving her performance.  And her hair looked cute buzzed -- it's the grow-out that is death for the pixie hair cut.  

I love this kitchen.  Since my brain is less than effective lately, taking phone screen shots of things I like or need to remember to deal with is a very helpful way for it to not get lost forever.

This picture makes me laugh.  Jude woke up from his nap and for his afternoon snack lunged at the grapes in the fridge.  He kept picking up the squishy, overripe ones and I'd try to offer him a better one, but he was insistent on eating the ones he'd picked.  He was so dazed and out of it, munching away on his crap grapes.  Sweetie pie.

Dad's home!

3 weeks until he's a big brother!

Last Week

The holidays have been busy!  Just like we like em.  However, this also means I'm wiped clean of energy and have about 12 batches of English Toffee to make now that Jude is down for the night, there is clean laundry waiting to be laid to rest in drawers but has sat in a laundry basket for the last 2 days, I have Thank You notes to write from my baby shower, and the list continues. 

We have had so much fun, though, and as excited as I am for my boys to open their Christmas presents in a week, I will be so sorry to see this season come to an end.

Now for a tiny recap:

We went to a White Elephant party hosted by our friends the Ords.  All the girls you see in this picture are pregnant and uncomfortable.   

I'm wearing a poncho smock that I probably will continue to wear for the next million days.  It's like wearing a blanket.  Can't hurt.

This is our 5th Christmas together; these 5 have been my favorites.

The baby's room is coming together.  This room used to be the precise color of a band-aid, and I hated it with a loathsome hate, strapped on my energy boots, and painted the room "cloud white" by Benjamin Moore all by my bad self.  On Saturday we picked up the crib, since I am leaving Jude in his own crib as long as he wants to be there/is unable to climb out.  This new crib was about 30 times easier and faster to assemble than Jude's.  So nice.  When the room is finished I will post pictures.  We must love our kids because our room is empty except for the bed and a headboard, but we do our best to fill the boys' rooms to make them cozy.

This is one of my favorite Jude pictures to date.  Brainfreeze!  Jude would marry smoothies if he could.

I had a somuchfun shower on Saturday!  I love these ladies that came on the busiest Saturday and so, so generously poured out gifts for me and my little boy.  I felt spoiled and loved.  Please note the blanket I'm wearing in this picture, too.  See?  I live in it.  I'll probably be wearing this in next year's Christmas card picture.

This boy is cracking me up.  He freaks out over every single Christmas lightbulb, every single car on the road, waves at every single person we pass (or that drives by), he squats down, arms up in the air, and war whoops when a delivery or garbage truck is close, gives me hugs and kisses like they're going out of style, comes and tickles me when he knows he's done something naughty and I'm about to begin my intervention/talking to/threatening time-out, feeds me bites of his food, sometimes holds my hand, and is the best pal.  We spend all our time together and while it can be a lot of work, he makes my heart sing a pile of songs an hour.

The Most Appreciated Season Change of All Time

A few days ago, when the mid-day temperatures were in the high 70s, I wanted to cry, do a dance (which would have looked awesome with my stomach protrusion), give every man, woman and child in a 2 mile radius a hug, and drop to my knees to offer a prayer of thanksgiving!  And then, this morning as we drove to McDonalds for a post-family-jog breakfast, and the air was wet and crisp, I started singing songs.  I don't really know why the infernal weather was getting me so down, other than the fact that my body is already operating at a much higher temperature for obvious reasons, and my son needs to be outside every day (and wants to be out there from the moment we lift him from his crib in the morning to the time we put him back in at night).  If I wasn't out there I felt like a bad mom.  If I was out there I felt like I was going to keel over.  You may be right, I may be crazy.  But, it just may be a lunatic you're looking for.

Hopefully the 90s and 100s are over until next year when I'm not pregnant.  I can smell fall, I'm making soup tomorrow, a pumpkin candle burns, and I'm on Cloud 22.

20 Weeks

Half-way there!  That's alright with me.  HERE I am at 22 weeks with Jude; I have decided I carry so weird.  I had the same low, tent-like peak to my stomach last time.  Where's that cute, high, basketball that other ladies have (Annie Reynolds, I'm talking to you!)??

Disappointment in prego bump styles aside, things are good.  We had a healthy outcome from our ultrasound yesterday.  Jude decided that since Jeff was there, he could act twice as crazy.  My last OB's waiting room was more of a pausing room.  This new OB I sit there for 30 to 60 minutes wrangling Jude.  I think I'll go for afternoon appointments from now on and get a babysitter.

Also get this.  This will blow your mind.  Yesterday I was 20 weeks and 0 days but the baby was measuring 20 weeks and 3 days!  So maybe I only have 19 weeks left??

Craving french bread with cream cheese and fig jam.  Want to sit but can't.  Sleeping on one side.  Forgetful.  Cleaning like every wipe and scrub is a winning lottery ticket.  Always hot (although it's cooling off a bit outside!!!).  Haven't done anything with the nursery.  Can't wait to meet my baby and be a family of 4.  Until then, soaking it up with my one wild man Jude.

Babies

I felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday and thought, "OOooooh, that's so cute!"

I'm 16 weeks and cruising.  I don't have many complaints right now, except for the blistering heat that sucks the life out of me the moment I set toenail outside.  I do it because Jude would probably spontaneously combust without outdoor activities, and it DOES help him take a better nap, but saints above, I can NOT wait until the fall.  And I know Orange County does not carry the nation's highest temperatures, but since they bleed us in taxes, I expect gentler weather.  In fact, I'd like a tax rebate.  And I tip my hat to my sister Elizabeth and my sister-in-law Erica who both had babies in August or September while living in Las Vegas.  Yikes.

I'm mulling over paint colors for the baby's room.  I have always felt compelled to use a color, but now I'm thinking WHITE!  I feel I spend so much time cleaning the house, only to have most of it undone very, very quickly.  White is clean and fresh.  Sometimes I think ANYthing to help promote the feeling of tidiness and simplicity is something I would so appreciate.  Also, the room the baby is going to get has the best light of any bedroom in the house.  It has been used as the guest room, and we're not in there much, but every time I am in there I think, "Aaaahhhhh."  Such a happy feeling in such a bright, cheerful spot!  I realized SOMEone in our family should get to be in there every day, instead of the sporadically arriving guest!  So we are moving the guest room down the hall, and baby brother gets to be in the happy room.  As for the white v. some other color paint debate, no final verdict.  I don't want it to look like an operating room, just FRESH and clean and cheerful.  (Consolation prize for guests: You may not get the lightest room in the house anymore, but you DO get a room with wainscoting Jeff is installing with his own 2 hands!  A true labor of love, since he has so little free time!)

We haven't dug our heels in with too many names yet.  We've got a few ideas, but lightening hasn't struck yet the way it did with Jude (but even when it does strike or we decide, it's in the vault again until we meet our little pledge).

Consistent Cravings: Rubio's Wild Salmon Tacos, Saag Paneer, and my Revive smoothies have just become the latest one.

Like last time, you may call me the biggest cry baby on earth.  It's shameful how little it takes to get my tear ducts flowing.  Talking about things close to the heart, of course, hearing sad news, but also a lot of movies, which is kind of lame.  The preview for Les Mis last week when Jeff and I snuck out on a "school night" to see Bourne Legacy (which I LOVED!).  I had Jeff start Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close without me since I still can't get very far into the book, but when I entered the room during a certain scene, I was almost instantly sobbing and Jeff had to turn it off.  When Rapunzel is reunited with her parents on Tangled I can't help it.  And last night I watched Super 8 and was torn to smithereens inside when he's watching home videos of his dead mother.  My eyes were puffy this morning. After the baby comes, I give myself a few months and then it's Camp Toughen Up.

And last but not least, the bump pictures.  I'm in that phase where it just looks like I've let myself go; there isn't a clear basketball yet in most of the clothes I'm wearing.  Tadaa:

Round 2

Yes, it's true (and if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you already know):

We are having a baby (again)!

Although it's a little early to call, I had an ultrasound on Monday (12 weeks) and there was some pretty unmistakable proof that it's a He.  I had a hunch it was a boy and we are thrilled!  Bring on more insanity, sitting down is overrated. :)

I was due February 11 but the baby is already chunking up quite nicely and my doc said he's measuring  almost a week ahead which caused him to defy www.babycenter.com and put my due date on the 5th!  So 9 days before Jude turns 2 he'll be gifted (ha!) with a little brother.  I'm already feeling guilty about what this could do to the quality of his birthday party. (We didn't have a party for him this year since we were out of town so I was determined to throw him a rager for the big 2.  Ha!  We'll see.)

Oh my, so many things to say.

• I have decided the first trimester is the worst.  The worst.  Even worse than the third, where you're creaky and large and popping 7 Tums an hour.  The first trimester potpourri of silence and sickness is tricky; sometimes I wanted to tell people so they could understand my exhaustion, my munchies, or my humorlessness.  I have thought to myself so many, many times, "I just need to make it through the summer."  Friends who are also pregnant would happily make announcements and urge me to get back on the wagon and I wanted to be like, "HEY, I'M THERE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  THE WAGON FEELS LIKE CRAP." I wanted to share in their news for the positives too, like the sense of solidarity and because I am truly thrilled that another baby will come into our home -- oh the love!  I've been baby hungry for ages.  But silent one must be for that odious first trimester.  And although no pregnancy carries guarantees to the end, there is that increased chance for miscarriage and I worried about losing this baby.  If I've said it once I've said it 10 times since Monday: I am so happy to be out of my first trimester.
• I was sick again, and this time it was worse at night.  I read on a blog a woman's story of exercising during pregnancy and how it curbed her nausea.  I gave it a try and it worked.  I mean it!  It really staved off that horrific barry feeling for hours at a time!  I have gone running every day of my pregnancy, and while I've still become puffy and swollen, I am so grateful that this was my own personal brand of Zofran. 
• So again, like last time, even though I am eating well, running, and otherwise about 40 times more active than last pregnancy (wherein I sat at my desk all day, stress-eating Cheetos and Peanut Butter Smoothies), I still have gained about 10 pounds.  My mom has been so nice and reminded me that whatever diligence and healthy habits I implement now will help me on the other side of this.  "It's money in the bank," she says.  It is discouraging to be barely out of my first trimester, the baby is the size of a cumquat, and I'm already folding up cute clothes I worked so hard to fit into post-Jude. However, so far that disappointment hasn't pushed me off the wagon.  I just try to remember how needlessly huge and uncomfortable I was last time, and say to myself as I stare at the [insert insanely indulgent and tempting piece of food], "There's always room for fatter."
• While pregnant with Jude and working a very demanding job I would regularly think, "Oh, next time will be awesome.  I can wear sweats and lie down on the couch when I feel sick, and no putting out fires."  Ok maybe that's true, but I'd say in the difficulty levels it's been a wash (or warsh, whichever you prefer).  While employed I had to look sharp, be mentally sharp, respond to "emergencies" and rebound quickly after throw-ups.  This time, I have to be vigilant and chasing my active, never-not-active boy.  It seems as soon as I sit down, I must get up again.  This all requires so much patience, and pregnancy is the ultimate patience eliminator.  So big revelation: pregnancy can be a drag no matter your lot in life.  Oh wait, it's fun if you're charged with the tasks of getting constant massages, pedicures, eating food you didn't prepare, and snuggling your docile baby who is always willing to sit still when you want him to.  
• My complaints are my complaints, but guess who also thinks they are worth it.  Me.  And that is something that has improved over last pregnancy.  Having seen the start to finish, and having this wonderful buddy in Jude, this pregnancy has so much more significance, and feels so much more real.  When I saw this baby on the ultrasound screen, my heart jumped!  That's my baby!  I get another one!  How did we get so lucky?  He looked chubby, he was waving his arms, I just was so happy to see him.  And while last time I was so anxious to get to the end, probably knowing it wouldn't feel real until I held Jude in my arms, and no week was "far along enough", this time I'm sittin easy.  Right now, the baby might not look completely human, but I know that soon enough I'll be getting a babycenter.com email telling me my baby is "the size of a watermelon."  Sit tight, little baby, I'll see you in the blink of an eye.
• Don't even get my started on how I'm wondering and agonizing over the ways this sweet little thing will rock my (our) world.  If my expectations are low enough, will the transition be easy-ish?  Will he be colicky like Jude?  I feel I've paid my dues and earned a turn with a non-cryer, but what the hell does that matter?  I don't think score cards are valid on that.  I could get a colicky one every single time.  How long will it take before I can be productive again?  Last time I was not that tired. I felt fine.  Do I even have a prayer that this will be my situation again?  I'm already planning on Jude not liking this at first (or for months).  He gets peevish when I so much as say hello to another baby. I know that there is just a mandatory transition period when you add one to a family, and this is bound to be fraught with some booby traps and pitfalls, but how many and how upsetting will they be??
• At least this time I know that "babies outgrow every bad phase," I have a testimony that sleep training works and is extremely important for baby and parents, and that everything at some point will balance out.  Most people keep telling me that 2 is a lot of fun.

OK that's it for now.  Duh, I'm pregnant so I'm currently a zombie.  Goodnight.  

And P.S. See what a tender, nurturing brother Jude will be? :)

Praises be, for the end cometh!

I've been keeping up with my favorite thing of reading birth stories and looking at newborn pictures on blogs, so to my friend's who've supplied such things on their blogs, THANK YOU. 10 gold stars for each of you.

My sister had her baby boy last Friday -- he is pushing the limits on cute, and the only time I've hated being so close to birthin time is during moments when we're on the phone. If Baby Hayes weren't coming any time I would have leapt into my car and scooted over to Vegas to hear that little lamb bleat in person. One thing I love about this baby is he's reminded me anew that when a sibling is born, it's a big change for the whole family, not just the parents. Case in point: The Former Baby of the Fam

Besides baby watch, life has been pretty quiet, probably because we have turned almost everything into a something that revolves around baby watch. Hmmmm. We operate on Apple TV now. We love it, the only complaint I have is that the remote is so microscopic. 2 words: Couch Cushions.

That was a lie, I have 2 complaints. The other complaint is I am actually interested in watching The Bachelor this season because it's like the thing I can't get away from! My parents are even watching it and text commentary. Apple TV is not cooperating with that. But today a solution was affixed (it's called going over to a friend's house) -- so I guess that complaint is knocked out.

GoodNIGHT!

This week

my goal is to not be the most grumpy person on the face of the planet. I feel like my body is decomposing, blah blah blah, we want to meet him, and I feel sure that he WANTS to come, he just won't. However, amidst my many pre-labor treats, when one kicks into high gear, I all of a sudden think, "Oh no! I should have thrown ____ into the laundry, now there's no time!" Then I'm back to realizing I'm not in labor, and the cycle starts anew.

This goal will be much more easily accomplished if, by the end of this week, I'm also not pregnant.

Going to go walk my bootie off.....

It's Pouring

Last Saturday I had myself a showering! My friends Anne, Chrissy, and Gaylene charmed and amazed.

It was, in every particular, a perfect morning. I got to see perfect friends, eat perfectly prepared food in a perfectly decorated house, and squeal over the perfectly cute factor in everything I opened. Very generous, and very sweet. Our baby is feeling the love, and so are me and Jeff.

That looks so good right now...do I have the energy to go to the store and get croissants? Eh, probably not.

For me?? Do you know how hard it is to open outfits as cute as the ones I got and not have the baby there to immediately put him in them and give him a squeeze?

I got to see some friends from my Huntington Singles Ward -- 3 of us are due the same week!

Thanks, Gaylene, Chrissy, and Anne -- you're the bomb diggety.

Hello and Goodbye

About the time I was getting Babycenter email updates that said things like,

"Hello, Meredith! This week, your baby is the size of a bing cherry!" or "Its eyes are sprouting on the sides of its head!" I thought something like 36.5 weeks sounded so deliciously advanced, so close to the day of reckoning/joy. Now that I'm here, nothing short of being in the hospital with an epidural dancing its way through my system seems close enough.

Even though I've done my share of complaining during the past 3 seasons, I have had some good times here in Pregnancy Land. There will be a few things I'll miss, and there are things I will welcome back with open arms.

What I've Been Missing:

- I miss laying on my tummy. Oh, so comfy.

- I miss my clothes. Last spring, Jeff surprised me with a pair of jeans, snazzier than any I'd ever beheld. We've now fondly named them The Extreme Fertility Jeans, because that's the effect they seem to have had. They sit, barely used in my closet, patiently waiting.

- I miss reeeally breaking a sweat and working out hard core. Oh my gosh, it's so fun. Not really, I'm just trying to think positively, because that's what I'm in for. Especially if those jeans are ever going to see the light of day again.

- I miss sushi. It's the unrequited craving.

- I look forward to reading a pile of books that would, in my current state, dehydrate my tear ducts and, ultimately, me.

- Oh, to just do something like KNEEL DOWN or BEND OVER and not have to strategize or weigh pros and cons beforehand. I was at lunch with my friend Lindsey a while back and some pennies fell out of her wallet. She's due the same week as me, and we both looked down at the coins, and then at each other, "It's not worth it."

What I Will Miss:

- Although it'll be more fun to hold a baby and marvel at his kicks from the outside, it's pretty cute to feel him do that on the inside. I'll also miss dragging Jeff's hand over for the soccer game in my tummy. His reaction is, as my sister Sarah would say, presh.

- The public is so nice to pregnant women! Smiles as I run my errands, every door held open, everyone asking with a lot more urgency or sincerity, "How are you feeling??", it's not too shabby.

- My EXCUSE.

And saying goodbye to pregnancy means saying hello to the prize, the Baby Mine, we can NOT wait to meet him. Especially after my shower last Saturday (post forthcoming), it all feels so real and thrilling, and I'm OUT of patience for him to become snuggleable. Baby love!

Pregnancy Memory #1

One morning last summer I snuck into a little-used, windowless conference room. I had the phone number for my OBGYN of choice scribbled on a post-it note, and dialed it up. I kept peeking behind me at the door, scared my clandestine telephonic outreach would be discovered, and then,

"Doctor's office, can I help you?"

Oh, my cue!

"Yes, hi...I am calling because I..."

And I could not think! What words are used to communicate the fact that you need to see a doctor because a stick (or 5) is telling you you've got a poppy seed filled with human potential growing in your tummy?

"...I'm calling because I, uh....tested positive for...um...pregnancy?"

That works, right?

I listened to The Beatles today. Why don't I do that more often?

And I'm over being pregnant. OVER. IT. Let's do this already.

The End.

Night Blogger

It's become a bit of an unwanted habit lately where I wake up sometime during the hour of 4:00, and if I can't fall asleep again soon enough, I patter around, getting a midnight snack, perusing the internet, cleaning. On this particular patter I cruised some favorite blogs of baby stories and pictures past. Warms my heart.

I'm starting to feel like it's coming ever fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Lots of unknowns, and if you know me well, you know I can't tolerate unknowns. I worry about the whole delivery thing. I worry he'll have some currently undetectable health problem. I worry he'll be a colic baby -- I was, and I'm probably in for some payback. I am just excrutiatingly curious about everything from what does he look like? to how will my body take it? to what does that sort of exhaustion feel like?

Elizabeth made me a list of things to bring to the hospital and what I should stock up on back at home (besides the obvious). I haven't always loved being a middle child, but it does come in handy in times like these. I've been trying to balance the R&R with the exercise, and Jeff and I are trying to maximize these last weeks as a family of 2.

The last 33 weeks have been sloshed with many more tears falling at a much more frequent rate than I was used to. Tears for many reasons. There's the classic "That's.....So.......SAD!!!" but there are also tears of just spending too much time thinking of how sweet something is, how grateful I am for the people in my life, etc. etc. etc. Last night I was reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and try as I might to be brave I was sobbing all over me, the blankets, and the couch. Jeff gave me a darling hug, gently took the book away and said, "If you're crying on page 14, maybe we should not read this book for a while." And then he changed the subject to happier things. I haven't really cried over religious matters in years -- I think I got it all out of my system in the MTC. About a month ago I was making the tiniest comment in Relief Society about nothing much and I had to pause 3 times to (in the end, unsuccessfully) try to maintain composure.

Since I cry easily when I'm very tired, I don't think that's going away for a while. Maybe a couple of people reading this just said, "Or ever."

The pregnant brain factor seems to be kicking up a few knotches a week. Today I was leaving the post office holding my wallet and some garbage. I chucked my wallet into the public trash can.

Here's to 4 to 7 more weeks of this weird, funky, fortunate, uncomfortable, unpredictable stay in pregnancyland. And a Happy New Year!

Baby Advice

This one takes it all, probably because it was given to me while I was fasting, working on about two hours of sleep, had been in the lab doing blood work for hours, and I was waiting for this person to stop talking and draw the third of five vials of blood from my collapsing veins:

"With my first baby, I didn't eat Almond M&Ms, and my baby didn't have eczema. With my second baby, I didn't eat Almond M&Ms, and that baby didn't have eczema. With my third baby, I went crazy for the Almond M&Ms, and my third baby has eczema! He plays volleyball now and he scratches on the court and I think, 'Oh, almond M&Ms are bad for baby.'"

Thank you so much. I'll take that into consideration.

It's time for your favorite thing: a pregnancy update.

- For the next 5 days I'll be stationed on Planet 30 Weeks. That means Baby could come in 7 weeks. And I would give to him an early welcome!

- I don't think I'll be posting a belly shot from here on out. Maybe if I'm feeling very daring, it could happen. Just picture my head on a body with a large watermelon protruding from my mid-section, and there you have it. One thing is for sure, I can't remember how I was ever this size -- and I'm even eating a bazillion calorie cupcake! Seeing cute babies gets me to quit fretting about it.

- Have you passed "nesting" and moved on to "psycho" if you vacuum your garage floor with a shop vac? No? Ok, good.

- He kicks like he's getting paid for it. If I have an open book or my purse resting on my belly, he can make the item jump off me. It startled my friend sitting next to me in Sunday School yesterday.

- Comical acts: putting on tights, getting up, sitting down, cooking at the stove (I stand slightly sideways so I don't crisp my tummy), changing sleeping positions.

- Watching anything on tv involving a woman in labor makes me extremely uncomfortable. When they showed Claire in labor (twice!) on LOST I felt half manipulated and half freaked out. My mom has always told us it's a big crock and there's nowhere near that much screaming, if any at all, so I'll just cling to that. I am willing, however, to make a fuss if it means getting me an epidural when I want one from a weird "holding out on me" nurse.

We're so curious and excited to meet him. A Hayes baby for us!

I remember watching a contraband episode of Friends long ago in which a pregnant Jennifer Aniston/Rachel Green was relishing in her baby shower. And why wouldn't she be enjoying it? She's about a million days through her pregnancy but her legs are still lanky and her Title 9 arms un-chubbed. This enjoyment started to wither, however, when her gifts began prompting questions of, "Why would I need that?" or "What's this for?" Before the third commercial break she had a completely adorable meltdown of, "I've been so focused on the pregnancy I forgot to figure out what I'd do with the baby!" [Cue audience laughter]

Even as a high school student, I watched it believing I would be very different when it was MY turn to be the skinniest pregnant woman alive. I was the 2nd of 4 children, and a highly solicited babysitter. And, I LOVE BABIES.

Now here I am, pregnant and the clock is ticking. After a couple of rude awakenings I realize I have been something of a pregnant Rachel Green, the flabby armed version. But I know there probably isn't much of a point to try to "figure it all out" before D-Day. When I got to Costa Rica for my mission, I remember thinking all the books I'd read in preparation, all the time I'd spent learning Spanish, all the lectures and lessons from returned missionary teachers in the Missionary Training Center, it was all a load of crap. NO, it was NOT a load of crap, but I may have muttered that under my breath a few times in that first week. It wasn't crap, it was just that they made us feel that we were prepared, and then I got there and learned you can't be. The mountains of time I'd spent training for my mission could be perhaps more accurately called "help". It was "helpful" to study Spanish and memorize scriptures, but it was not close to sufficient training. My scriptures were artistically hilighted in Provo and I was the best speaker in my district. I got to Costa Rica a pale gringa who didn't know Spanish could be spoken so quickly, and didn't even begin to understand who these people were, what they needed, and how I could help them. There were so many more variables than I had anticipated.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am at the proverbial Salt Lake City International Airport all over again, and the adjustment to life after the flight will be just as difficult if not more painful. I have years of babysitting siblings, friends, nieces, and nephews under my belt. I have a bad-A stroller and the most comfortable glider of all the gliders in the kingdom. But I know that soon, I will be a rookie in the job I have always known to be my most important one.

Sometimes I panic when I am reminded that the world has changed a lot since I was a girl wearing a tutu day and night. Last month a child psychologist came to chat with the Relief Society about parenting tactics. I had no idea some of the things I would be up against. He offered more warnings and strategies for dealing with girls than boys and I left relieved that as of now, daughters are not my lot in life. Not so fast, Merz. The next Sunday's Relief Society lesson was about keeping our families safe from the evils of pornography which dealt more with, you guessed it, sons. I may have broken a sweat and in the middle of it my charming friend may have squeaked, "I can't do this! I have a little boy!" There are many times when I wonder how I'll ever keep up with the declining moral strength of the world and keep my home a happy refuge where my family wants to be protected.

At the end of these internal panics I usually just let an audible whimper slip out but come, again, to the conclusion that I will do my best and learn to swim after I've been flung into the Pacific. I have the examples of 2 strong, savvy mothers, Madame Meri and Madame Charissa, who will also continue to be premium grandmothers. Our grandmothers, aunts, sisters both Hayes and Eaton, cousins, friends, I know they are there to learn from and to comfort me and nudge me along. We have been promised by the general leaders of the LDS church that if we stay close to the Lord our families will be protected. I've never looked to a promise with such hope and humility, knowing that Jeff and I indisputably need heavenly help in this jou-- (ha! I almost wrote the "J" word on my blog!) -- I mean, in this new and everlasting phase of life we will enter in just a couple of months.

I take ever so much solace in knowing motherhood comes with a wardrobe a bit cuter than rayon dresses and orthopedic shoes and includes snuggling with my husband.

Viva Las Vegas

And viven the sisters we have that live there!

Friday we miraculously missed traffic while shooting up the I-15 to the suburban fringe of Sin City. Don't ask me how it happened, it just did.

It was, as usual, much too short. But we enjoyed it. Something perfectly convenient: Jeff and I each spring from families of four children. Until Harry graduates from law school and Cameron graduates from BYU (assuming afterwards they jet),

- We each have 1 sibling in Utah (and Jeff's parents -- extra bonus).

- We each have 1 sister in Palo Alto.

- We each have 1 sister in Las Vegas.

So basically we all hit at least 2 birds with every travel stone. The purpose of this weekend getaway was to see this treasure be baptized.

The ordinance was followed by plenty of food and long talks on the couch, motherhood recommendations and stories, just the sorts of things I love. Jeff twisted my arm all the way to the outlet mall (J. Crew), and we polished our Saturday night off with Kris, Elizabeth, the kids' Halloween stashes, and Susan Sarandon.

Normally spending anything longer than 30 seconds with Susan Sarandon makes me cringe and roll my eyes (hello self-importance and overly sought depth!), but I loved this movie, and liked her in it!

Sunday morning: More chats and stories and kids. Our families are the bees' knees. Why can't we be together more? And why didn't I put on some make-up before taking this picture of me and my E with our bellies?

Ah, tis too late now I suppose.

We somehow, SOMEHOW, missed Sunday I-15 South traffic coming home.

Our weekend expired with us watching Invictus and sorting through all the generosity shown to us by our sisters with their baby donations. (I'll never need to put money down for a onesie. Ever.)

Raise your hand if you love weekends!