Round 2

Yes, it's true (and if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you already know):

We are having a baby (again)!

Although it's a little early to call, I had an ultrasound on Monday (12 weeks) and there was some pretty unmistakable proof that it's a He.  I had a hunch it was a boy and we are thrilled!  Bring on more insanity, sitting down is overrated. :)

I was due February 11 but the baby is already chunking up quite nicely and my doc said he's measuring  almost a week ahead which caused him to defy www.babycenter.com and put my due date on the 5th!  So 9 days before Jude turns 2 he'll be gifted (ha!) with a little brother.  I'm already feeling guilty about what this could do to the quality of his birthday party. (We didn't have a party for him this year since we were out of town so I was determined to throw him a rager for the big 2.  Ha!  We'll see.)

Oh my, so many things to say.

• I have decided the first trimester is the worst.  The worst.  Even worse than the third, where you're creaky and large and popping 7 Tums an hour.  The first trimester potpourri of silence and sickness is tricky; sometimes I wanted to tell people so they could understand my exhaustion, my munchies, or my humorlessness.  I have thought to myself so many, many times, "I just need to make it through the summer."  Friends who are also pregnant would happily make announcements and urge me to get back on the wagon and I wanted to be like, "HEY, I'M THERE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  THE WAGON FEELS LIKE CRAP." I wanted to share in their news for the positives too, like the sense of solidarity and because I am truly thrilled that another baby will come into our home -- oh the love!  I've been baby hungry for ages.  But silent one must be for that odious first trimester.  And although no pregnancy carries guarantees to the end, there is that increased chance for miscarriage and I worried about losing this baby.  If I've said it once I've said it 10 times since Monday: I am so happy to be out of my first trimester.
• I was sick again, and this time it was worse at night.  I read on a blog a woman's story of exercising during pregnancy and how it curbed her nausea.  I gave it a try and it worked.  I mean it!  It really staved off that horrific barry feeling for hours at a time!  I have gone running every day of my pregnancy, and while I've still become puffy and swollen, I am so grateful that this was my own personal brand of Zofran. 
• So again, like last time, even though I am eating well, running, and otherwise about 40 times more active than last pregnancy (wherein I sat at my desk all day, stress-eating Cheetos and Peanut Butter Smoothies), I still have gained about 10 pounds.  My mom has been so nice and reminded me that whatever diligence and healthy habits I implement now will help me on the other side of this.  "It's money in the bank," she says.  It is discouraging to be barely out of my first trimester, the baby is the size of a cumquat, and I'm already folding up cute clothes I worked so hard to fit into post-Jude. However, so far that disappointment hasn't pushed me off the wagon.  I just try to remember how needlessly huge and uncomfortable I was last time, and say to myself as I stare at the [insert insanely indulgent and tempting piece of food], "There's always room for fatter."
• While pregnant with Jude and working a very demanding job I would regularly think, "Oh, next time will be awesome.  I can wear sweats and lie down on the couch when I feel sick, and no putting out fires."  Ok maybe that's true, but I'd say in the difficulty levels it's been a wash (or warsh, whichever you prefer).  While employed I had to look sharp, be mentally sharp, respond to "emergencies" and rebound quickly after throw-ups.  This time, I have to be vigilant and chasing my active, never-not-active boy.  It seems as soon as I sit down, I must get up again.  This all requires so much patience, and pregnancy is the ultimate patience eliminator.  So big revelation: pregnancy can be a drag no matter your lot in life.  Oh wait, it's fun if you're charged with the tasks of getting constant massages, pedicures, eating food you didn't prepare, and snuggling your docile baby who is always willing to sit still when you want him to.  
• My complaints are my complaints, but guess who also thinks they are worth it.  Me.  And that is something that has improved over last pregnancy.  Having seen the start to finish, and having this wonderful buddy in Jude, this pregnancy has so much more significance, and feels so much more real.  When I saw this baby on the ultrasound screen, my heart jumped!  That's my baby!  I get another one!  How did we get so lucky?  He looked chubby, he was waving his arms, I just was so happy to see him.  And while last time I was so anxious to get to the end, probably knowing it wouldn't feel real until I held Jude in my arms, and no week was "far along enough", this time I'm sittin easy.  Right now, the baby might not look completely human, but I know that soon enough I'll be getting a babycenter.com email telling me my baby is "the size of a watermelon."  Sit tight, little baby, I'll see you in the blink of an eye.
• Don't even get my started on how I'm wondering and agonizing over the ways this sweet little thing will rock my (our) world.  If my expectations are low enough, will the transition be easy-ish?  Will he be colicky like Jude?  I feel I've paid my dues and earned a turn with a non-cryer, but what the hell does that matter?  I don't think score cards are valid on that.  I could get a colicky one every single time.  How long will it take before I can be productive again?  Last time I was not that tired. I felt fine.  Do I even have a prayer that this will be my situation again?  I'm already planning on Jude not liking this at first (or for months).  He gets peevish when I so much as say hello to another baby. I know that there is just a mandatory transition period when you add one to a family, and this is bound to be fraught with some booby traps and pitfalls, but how many and how upsetting will they be??
• At least this time I know that "babies outgrow every bad phase," I have a testimony that sleep training works and is extremely important for baby and parents, and that everything at some point will balance out.  Most people keep telling me that 2 is a lot of fun.

OK that's it for now.  Duh, I'm pregnant so I'm currently a zombie.  Goodnight.  

And P.S. See what a tender, nurturing brother Jude will be? :)