05 January 2011

Night Blogger

It's become a bit of an unwanted habit lately where I wake up sometime during the hour of 4:00, and if I can't fall asleep again soon enough, I patter around, getting a midnight snack, perusing the internet, cleaning. On this particular patter I cruised some favorite blogs of baby stories and pictures past. Warms my heart.

I'm starting to feel like it's coming ever fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Lots of unknowns, and if you know me well, you know I can't tolerate unknowns. I worry about the whole delivery thing. I worry he'll have some currently undetectable health problem. I worry he'll be a colic baby -- I was, and I'm probably in for some payback. I am just excrutiatingly curious about everything from what does he look like? to how will my body take it? to what does that sort of exhaustion feel like?

Elizabeth made me a list of things to bring to the hospital and what I should stock up on back at home (besides the obvious). I haven't always loved being a middle child, but it does come in handy in times like these. I've been trying to balance the R&R with the exercise, and Jeff and I are trying to maximize these last weeks as a family of 2.

The last 33 weeks have been sloshed with many more tears falling at a much more frequent rate than I was used to. Tears for many reasons. There's the classic "That's.....So.......SAD!!!" but there are also tears of just spending too much time thinking of how sweet something is, how grateful I am for the people in my life, etc. etc. etc. Last night I was reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and try as I might to be brave I was sobbing all over me, the blankets, and the couch. Jeff gave me a darling hug, gently took the book away and said, "If you're crying on page 14, maybe we should not read this book for a while." And then he changed the subject to happier things. I haven't really cried over religious matters in years -- I think I got it all out of my system in the MTC. About a month ago I was making the tiniest comment in Relief Society about nothing much and I had to pause 3 times to (in the end, unsuccessfully) try to maintain composure.

Since I cry easily when I'm very tired, I don't think that's going away for a while. Maybe a couple of people reading this just said, "Or ever."

The pregnant brain factor seems to be kicking up a few knotches a week. Today I was leaving the post office holding my wallet and some garbage. I chucked my wallet into the public trash can.

Here's to 4 to 7 more weeks of this weird, funky, fortunate, uncomfortable, unpredictable stay in pregnancyland. And a Happy New Year!


[AnnieR] said...

Don't give up on EL&IC. It's SO SO SO SO SO SO good. Maybe my favorite book ever.

brightonislove said...

I am just like you - cry SO easily when I'm tired. I cry over EVERYTHING - being happy, sad, excited, nervous, angry, ANYTHING. I am not looking forward to how I'll be when I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure I won't ever stop crying.

jocie said...

Just keep telling yourself that weaker women than you have survived birth. I don't know what else to tell you other than it just happens and you get this fantastic little person out of the deal.
As for the SLR, I've given in and am taking a class since I can't remember how to use all of the bells and whistles on my own.
Getting so excited for the Hayes Family...

Katie said...

3 days after my son was born my husband looked at me and said, "Oh good your back." I guess I go somewhere else during pregnancy and he is always relieved to see me again when its over!

Grant and Kristin Collard said...

Hang in there Merzy! It will all be so so worth it when you hold that little angel in your arms and your life will never be the same. You and Jeff are going to do great!

melissa said...

haaha!!!! i love you so much!