Mama mia

Having these babies of mine means that I know so well what it's like to have them drift off to sleep in my tired, jiggly arms. I get to be the person to seize the endless opportunities to pump them full of love and self-esteem, and I know their smells and their facial expressions.  I am around when Jude goes from having no interest in crayons and coloring books to choosing to sit at the table and scribble on page after page. Yesterday I saw Graham holding a binky in one hand, and a board book in the other, and then he figured out that if he bonked them together, it made a really cool noise, and then I watched him play his new game for a little while.  Because I have little kids, and am not done having them, I am trying to let it go when a fly comes in the house because Jude doesn't understand yet that you have to shut the door quickly on a hot day.  I have to accept that the house will just be a little messier than I want it to at certain points of the day.  Tonight I held Graham on my lap during dinner, and when I was reaching down to fetch his binky, he pulled my plate of rice and beans onto the floor.  It had been a long day and it's so dumb but I almost cried.  I'm so used to spit up.  Buuuut, if I leave the room for 30 seconds, when I come back in Jude yells, "Mommy herrrrr" and runs and jumps into my arms.  We have a family handshake.  Graham lets me squeeze him as tight as I please, and squish his ample cheeks against mine.  I have had so many times when I'm running errands with them and there's some breed of child-spun disaster, even when I prepare well, and I think to myself, "Can't I just do this ONE THING??????"*.  And then I vow to only ever grocery shop by myself at night forever more (this resolve never lasts).  When I cut my finger wide open the other day, my cute little 2 year old wouldn't stop talking about my owie and has given it about 20 kisses.  Today Jude was talking all about how "Chwist fwends" (Christ's friends) were speaking on tv for General Conference.  They just pull these things on me and it charms me more than anything.

It's so many good things and so many bad things and I love it.  I used to be cooler, but I think hunkering down with my babies makes my life awesome**.

Note: I did not pose these pictures at all.

* Whenever there's a meltdown amidst attempted productivity and I think to myself, "Can't I just do this ONE THING???" I then automatically hear Will Ferrell in my head from that SNL skit, "Can I just finish one damn story??"

** Last week Jude's Speech Therapist asked me after his session, "Who in your family says 'awesome'?  Jude was saying it non-stop today."  I laughed -- "My husband and I both do.  Everything is either awesome or crappy."  We need to start infusing some different adjectives.