05 December 2008

even if you know me, you might not know that

1) i can find the alto line to almost any melody.

2) my two kanine teeth are FAKE. they grew in as tiny upside down triangles, and so i had to get veneers on them when i was 15, just after my braces were removed. they weren't cheap; i've actually had 49 marriage proposals in my life, but when each suitor became privy to the fact that he would one day have to pay for their replacement (nothing lasts forever, even in dentistry!), it turned into the deal breaker.

3) i despise decorative bed pillows.

it seems every girl i know loves and has them, but to me, those little euro squares, neck rolls, etc. (and i had to look those names up on aubrey's blog because to me they're all just called "stupid baby pillows") symbolize an obligatory waste of time. their existence means that if/when (emphasis on the if) i make my bed, i have to chase them down from whatever corner of my room i've chucked them into the night (or 3 weeks) before, and then i must most daintily arrange them in a bouquet of cotton or linen or what have you onto the poofy douvet cover (which i am ALL ABOUT) under which i have slumbered and dreamed. then just a number of hours later all that exquisite arranging must be undone, and you must find something to do with the little cutsies all over again. there. i said it. i despise them, and wish for just a simple pillow at the head of the bedsky. done and done.

4) i love the carpenters. karen carpenter, what a voice. another drippy old singer i love is judy collins.

5) when i "go to my happy place" my mind escorts me back to the day i spent at versailles with mum and sarah. particularly the walk down to the little hamlet "peasant" village that marie antoinette commissioned; they have a 4 horned billy goat there! WHO ELSE has a 4 horned billy goat, i ask you?!

6) i've never been stung by a bee or broken a bone, but when i was 11, the last school day before christmas break, i fell off the monkey bars and fractured my humeris. what is the humeris, you ask? why, it's the bone betwixt the elbow and shoulder, and i did wrong by mine that day. the real tragedy, however, was not that my parents were not at home and in 1993 cell phones were non-existant for the common man. the real tragedy was not that i had to sit and wait in the school nurse's office for hours before they tracked down an emergency contact (3 cheers for julie weaver) who took me to her house and let me eat all the english toffee i wanted while watching a christmas movie. no, the real tragedy was that because of the scintillating humor of most of the then-irvine 5th ward, at the christmas party the next evening i had the following conversation oh, i'd say, about 390 times:

them: OH! and what happened to you?!
me: i fractured my humeris.
them: [chuckle chortle] golly! that's not very HUMOROUS/HUMERIS!!!!! [dissolved in hysterical laughter]
[cue me trying desperately to keep my eyes from rolling to canada and back, and aborting the conversation, looking desperately for sanctuary in the company of elizabeth and annie.]

7) ringo starr is my favorite beatle. actually, i think when i was younger i just wanted to be different from annie and elizabeth, and they were in love with paul, and i really didn't care for george or john, so my heart was always inevitably going to go to ringo. in interviews i've seen with him in recent years he comes off very bitter and blah, but i've always been a sucker for a drummer, and i think his schnoz is cute. ringo starr, you're such a grump you probably don't believe me, but i love you.

8) i am always cold. always. except for when i walk across hot coals.

9) i hate fedora hats. actually, i hate most hats, at least on mine own head.

10) i had a car "nudge" before i got my license, but never since.

and now i'm bored with this post.


James McOmber said...

I think the "humeris" may be part of where the name for the "funny bone" came from. Get it?

P.S. name one girl under 300 lbs. who isn't always cold and I'll take her to dinner.

James McOmber said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
James McOmber said...

No, i'll take her ICE SKATING.

Also, I hate decorative bed pillows as well. Frivolity. Vanity of vanities, saith the McOmber.

P.P.S. I deleted the last comment because I misspelled "well". Great.

Aubrey said...

Ahahahaha!!! The truth comes out. You're hilarios...well thats not the truth I'm talking about...even though it's the truth. Wow! Where am I even going with this? Oh yes, the bed pillows. I thought ALL girls loved decorative bed pillows. And that only MEN hated them. Have you seen Along Came Polly? That show is for you!!!

PS- I think I shall gift you 3 Euro pillows and maybe a few bolster pillows and a neck roll for Christmas. Yes, that will do.

[AnnieR] said...

well what about decorative astro van bucket seat pillows, hm?

::Meredith Eaton:: said...

decorative astro van bucket seat pillows = barf

Brittany Claire Norman said...

I hate that I moved out as you moved in!!! I think we would have been good friends in HB! I too am OBSESSED with Karen Carpenter. My mom sounds JUST like her. The only thing I cant get behind is the pillows. I have to admit that I like them! I hope that's not a deal breaker in your friendships:)

The Washburn Family said...

You're right, stylistically and logistically, bed pillows seem to fail in every direction; however, from a functional standpoint, they can be quite important: For a sleeper, they come in quite handy when you're tired of keeping your knees apart with your hand. For a person walking the "broad way," they promote abstinence by deterring lovers or promoting enough of a stall to give at least one passionate, impatient lover some time for second-guessing, albeit passionately biased. Finally, think of the negative consequences if a trendy socialite's metrosexual boyfriend found out she decided to do away with her stylish bed pillows.

(By the way, this is Kera (Maxwell) Washburn's husband. Kera found your link on Lani's blog, and we both found your posts funny. So, from two BYU English majors to another, congrats on a very entertaining and spunky blog. We have a private blog. If you want to be invited, email me at kerabug@hotmail.com.)

Bianca said...

I also got Las Vegas veneers at a young age. It was my parents' gift for my 18th birthday, so it's very memorable for me. Sadly, I grew up having unevenly spaced and chipped teeth, and my father didn't want me to go to college with a bad smile, so he really saved up for that. I must say that those veneers (Las Vegas) were really worth every penny.