11 August 2008

last day in vegas: anti-goodbyer

does anyone really enjoy a goodbye? i suppose we all enjoy goodbyeing the bad situations in life.

but vegas hasn't been a bad situation. quite the contrary. i've loved the last 11 months and 1 day i've lived here. i just feel ready to move on to a new spin on the old orange county where my momma and daddy done raised me. it's a-singin my name, and i am not one to stand on good feelings and brimming opportunities.

3 things i love about today, the last day in vegas:

-lindsey's living in cam's room for a month until we find a nice boho-chic place close enough to the ocean so that i can officially say, "you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a lifeguard tower." i really like knowing that she will be there with my mom and dad when i roll into town tonight.

-this morning my mom said to me on the phone, "welllll...maybe you could stay till november or something!" they know it's better for everyone if i have my own little plot of land to call my own, but it makes me feel fuzzy that my parents still consider me such a rock star that they want me to stick around and soak them for free rent, food, and laundry services. my parents are indeed themselves rock stars.
-every move savors of high school graduation. i loved graduating from high school, so it's fun to have the nostalgia running thick in my blood stream.

3 things i despise about today, my last day in vegas:

-i can't do goodbyes. i have to keep it to "see you later"s. i am sure i will see some people later, but i know in the cavities of my soul i won't see everyone. it's like in costa rica after my first transfer ended with saying DESPEDIDOS to everyone to whom i'd said so much as "hola," and i cry at all the wrong times, and i know it'll be many years before we see each other again, if in this life at all...it's just horrible. horrible horrible. i vowed i'd sneak away every other transfer as a thief in the night. i did, and it worked like a charm. no painful, sobby, or not sobby when they should be goodbyes or even "see you later"s. i can't quite pull that off today. they all know i'm takin off.

last night i gave my nephew and niece hugs goodnight,

not sure if i would be able to squeeze in one last stop at their house today, and big, crocodile tears were pouring from my face. i couldn't say anything for knowing that would release giant sobs, and i'm known in my family to be a non-cute crier. nephew looked a little startled, niece didn't really notice the make up disheveling that was taking place.

me and nephew almost a year ago when i first moved to las begas.

sitting here at 9:18 in the morning knowing at 5:00pm i'm going to have to say goodbye to loads of people whose association i have guzzled up the last year, really really puts a damper on it all.

*moment for my religion: yesterday i taught relief society, which was about consolation in the time of death. it was a happy lesson. with the knowledge we have of what happens to our eternal souls after death, "we can learn how to live and we can learn how to die." i am happy to know death is the furthest thing from a quiet, stifled end. i kept thinking while nobody's dying here today, i'm just moving one state over, i'm so thankful for the time when we all just get to BE together. there are other people i've had to say goodbye to before, and i'm still quite perturbed about it. there are so many people to whom i've said the last couple of weeks, "well just move to irvine with me!" not plausible. i know i can't have everyone around all at once, and even if i could, we have stuff to keep us busy, kinks to smooth out, etc. distractions from the real happy place, which for me is just TIME with ALL the lovelies. is that too much to ask??? someday, it really won't be! i love knowing that everything that matters most to us in this life, everything we spend our time cultivating, will continue to matter and grow after we "sink asleep in Jesus."*

-i have an ottoman. i have an ottoman the size of an 8 year old that i need to fit in my car which is roughly the size of an edamame pod. then i need to fit most of my clothes, my vitamins, my books, my comforter....i'm starting to panic just thinking about how much of a non-planner i am that i didn't think about the ottoman before and how yes, i may have toted it home from target successfully, but that's when i wasn't hauling the rest of my junk with it. wheeze, cough, wheeze. my friend asked me a few days ago if i was packed, and i scoffed and said "no way." and he scoffed and said, "it took me 3 days to pack the last time i moved!" and then i said, "well that's because you're classical and i'm jazz." now in this moment i love mozart and i hate miles.

-i haven't seen any of the olympics yet, and know that because i'll be cramming objects into my car or sitting myself in my car, i'll not be able to watch any tonight.

i have an olympic curse.

when i was 14 and kerri strugg did that apparently terrific, gold winning american jumpy thing, i was in summer school and helping math "tutor" (guess) my friend andi on the phone while the TV blared downstairs. i was deeply engrossed (for the first time in my life) and then all of a sudden she shrieked into the phone, "WE WON! THE US WON WOMEN'S GYMNASTICS!" i heard my family cheer downstairs. i missed it. and even though they oft replayed the jumpy balance beam thingy that is now the stuff of legends, every SINGLE time they did this i was distracted, and now 12 years later i have yet to see the full show. everyone was talking about it for months. [kick pebble on ground in petulant 6 year old frustration]

last night when i came home some friends were there watching michael phelps' bit of athletic brilliance. they rewound a bit of it to show me. a LOVELY girl, who is so great i just want to wrap her up and put her in my pocket, accidentally changed the channel when the race was just about to flaunt sir phelps' skill, thus erasing the "build up" my DVR had worked at, and it wasn't recording.

my bit of saving grace: youtube.

now just for fun: i saw these on a 2 month old baby on friday and just about had an ulcer of joy, wonderment, and awe.

see you in the land of the happy cows.

1 comment:

brightonislove said...

AHHHH. i hate goodbyes :( AND, im sorry for changing the channel so you couldnt see it!!! ah. i felt so bad! i love you, SEE YOU LATER!