california, california, so much to plunder that i think i'll sleep instead.

i have spent 78% of my life as a california resident. i love it here. i wouldn't be here if i didn't. it's home; i like to think of it as my california with its sunny skies, ample air moisture, and masterful freeway system. however, i have a confession to make which might get me hanged, drawn, and quartered: i have never felt like a real california girl. i will ever claim that i grew up here with glowing pride, i think it's wonderful, but not in the same way or for the same reasons as so many people who want to (and do) or should live here. i think i was supposed to be born in maryland or somewhere over that-a-way. i love turtlenecks and pleated skirts, brick buildings, and government subsidized museums. i embrace the pasty blush of my skin. i really don't like third eye blind, roxy brand clothing, fish tacos and hibiscus flowers. i don't think i wore flip flops more than thrice this last summer. i love the beach, i go to the beach, but i'd never classify myself as a beach bum, and i haven't touched a surf board in 14 years. i'm more of a swim around or boogy board kind o' gal. my california friends NEED the beach. 1 week into fall semester at BYU they'd start to get the shakes and froth at the mouth a bit as their bodies went into beach fix-less shock. i endured twinges of guilt knowing that if we were to go play in the sand and waves, that would be wonderful, but if we didn't, that's wonderful too. guilty, guilty, guilty. i'm not proud of this, it seems disarmingly ungrateful to me. i always worry that i'm going to wind up living in south dakota or something and cringe over the grand california amenity i didn't enjoy as much as i could have. anyway, there. i feel much better having unloaded that. confession is a very important passage to repentance.

there is hope. i moved here exactly 1 month ago. i'm working, i'm moving out and over to huntington beach (knock hard on wood), i'm applying to further my education, i'm bonding, and as of tonight, i will be a surfer in training. for the first time since i was 12 years old i am going to go surfing, apparently on saturday i'm going to be in a surf video, i might go on a surf trip to costa rica in november, and i'm going to hope that the fact that my arms are completely devoid of muscular particles doesn't get in the way.

just call me "blue crush eaton." california, you and i are going to get a lot more cozy.