*this is a writing exercise i just did for myself. i really want to get better at writing dialogue. maybe this is a bad time to invent a conversation, because i'm tired and a wee bit cranky over the standardized testing of this morning, but said tiredness prevents me from caring. critique away, don't be shy, "i believe i hold up very well even under severe scrutiny"...name the tv show......
disciplined self: ahem.
me: [looking right and left] what.
ds: what are you eating?
me: candy corn. it's officially autumn, it's what we're all supposed to be eating, in abnormally large quantities. i'm setting the autumn example. you should follow my lead, jump on the wagon. these won't taste as good after thanksgiving.
ds: hmm, what happened to your new goal you set last night?
me: the one about not eating any candy for a week?
ds: yes that one.
me: bah. it doesn't count toDAY, i just took the GRE. i just paid $140 for a computer to tell me how smart i am. THAT merits candy, i don't care what rip-snorting valiant ideas i had last night. but then, you DO care, don't you?
ds: i care about the fact that you're going to die of a diabetic coma. they're going to find you in a puddle of powdered sugar, gushers fruit snacks, brownies, and mini marshmallows. i thought you were really on to something with this detox idea.
me: hey, first of all, gushers make me gag, and until i don't fit into my jeans anymore, i think it's safe to assume that i'm not about to die.
ds: you may still be fitting into your jeans, but man cannot live by candy corn alone. think of the insulin level spiking going on underneath your pasty exterior! right as we speak! besides that, what about the dignity in just sticking with something for once?! just sticking with one little thing besides breathing.
me: my sugar addiction has a lot of dignity, and it's protective as a first time mother.
ds: i'm going to ignore the fact that you're personifying your vice so you can pass blame, and ask you what does preach my gospel teach about addictions?
me: [eyes narrow] that's a low blow.
ds: well, you're the one that lectured this stuff to the coffee/ciggie/alcie addicts of costa rica, so you should be able to tell me very well. in two languages, please. i have a feeling you haven't spoken spanish in days.
me: [mumbling] it says that as addicts we rise and fall and we have to be patient but never cease striving to abandon bad habits.
ds: [foot tap tap tap]
me: dice que como adictos sobrevivimos pero tambien fallamos pero que seamos pacientes y nunca dejar de tratar abandonar nuestros vicios, que nunca olvidemos lo que es la meta.
ds: [reaching for the jar] so now what shall we do with that jar of candy corn?
me: [clutching jar to bosom] you know, i really don't like you. at all. i did it in spanish and you didn't even say "bien hecho" or anything like that.
ds: bien hecho. now go eat a carrot. [merzy releases jar from clutches] doesn't that feel better? you're free! free to go eat a carrot and prevent an untimely sugary laced death!
me: i just realized sometimes you sound just like sarah.
ds: that's why she's mom and dad's favorite child...actually she won a three way victory with elizabeth and cameron for favorites.
me: hmm, well, it's been real, but there's a big sale at the gap i've got to check out. i think the stores might be closing early today, ya know?
ds: with the money you're spending on clothing these days, at least maybe that will prevent you from being able to buy more candy co- [door slams on ds' face].